Article by:
Wonswayla Mackey, Deputy Director of Clark County Foster Care
Parenting teenagers in foster care can be a challenging yet rewarding experience. As a foster parent, you play an important role in providing stability and support to these young individuals during a crucial time in their lives. When you foster teens, you help them develop essential life skills, support their goals and dreams, and promote their independence.
In Clark County, each day there are over 3200 children in foster care, with just under 20% being ages 13-18 years old.
The primary goal of foster care is reunification, and many of the teens in foster care will be safely reunified with their parents or familial caregivers. However, on average, 8% of teens aged 13-17 years old in Clark County foster care leave the foster care system without establishing a permanent family through adoption or reunification. This percentage really highlights the importance of helping teens develop the skills they need to take on the real world when they transition out of foster care.
While a teenager is in your home, you’ll get the chance to support them as they grow and strengthen their independent living skills. Teenagers are trying to find their own identity to gain self-independence.
- example, teenagers can prepare food for themselves and take care of personal hygiene. In addition to that independence, caregivers can also support teens with job hunting, shopping, and planning outings suited for older children, like a trip to your local college.
“If I was talking to someone thinking about being a foster parent, I would tell them young adults and teens aren’t as scary as you think they are. They want you to think they’re scary, but they’re not. They’re a kid in a bigger body just looking for love.” – Kristi Ferrell, KVC West Virgina
Teenagers in foster care want a lot of the same things any teenager needs and wants- to go out with their friends, to graduate high school, to learn to drive, and so on. Teenagers want to feel heard, and not defined by what is written in their file.
What do teenagers in foster care really want?
Teenagers want a stable environment. When teenagers move from foster home to foster home, it causes them to get behind in school and they never have the chance to get comfortable.
- safe place to relax. Teenage years are a time for a teen to come into their own and figure out who they are, yet when instability and trauma are thrown into the mix, life is difficult.
An understanding and patient caregiver. Teenagers are often misunderstood because of their behaviors. Caregivers cannot react to a poor choice of behaviors, but instead focus on the positive moments while also coaching and teaching through challenging moments.
Teenagers want to know the status of their parent’s case and be included in their goals. No one likes to be kept in the dark. Teenagers want to know and be prepared for upcoming changes set to happen in their lives. Additionally, teenagers want support in developing their own goals.
See examples of success. Achieving success is hard when you’ve never seen or witnessed examples of success.
Be taught simple life skills. Teenagers often have not learned the basics of being an adult. Teenagers everywhere wish someone had taken the time to teach them how to cook, pay bills, apply for college, and budget their money. Most young adults and some teens refer to this as “Adulting.”
An advocate. Being a foster teen can feel frustrating, sad, lonely, and that trust is broken; all of which are tough to overcome. Whether an advocate comes in the form of a counselor, foster parent, mentor, Court Appointed Special Advocate (CASA); they want people in their corner who will help advocate for them, cheer them on and fight alongside of them.
Teenagers in foster care need stable families. They need and want a place to call home, somewhere to come to for the holidays and special occasions, and a place they feel safe and welcome at any stage in their life. Teenagers don’t just want to go into another “placement,” instead they are looking for a stable home where they are included and feel as if they are a part of the family.
So how do we work with these great teens? What do they want and need to succeed in placement and make real strides to become a successful adult?
TWELVE WAYS TO HELP A TEENAGER FEEL SAFE AND WANTED IN YOUR FOSTER HOME.
They want to be understood for who they are and to be accepted as is.
They need to feel validated in their feelings and respected for their knowledge and the things they have experienced.
Teens want to feel supported and guided into adulthood, even though they think they know it all.
Have patience.
Do not expect teens to come to your home, trusting all that you say and do. After all, they have had years of adults letting them down. Just as with all children, do not make promises to them that you cannot keep. Once you break a promise, trust will become further from reach.
Teens want to be spoken to on a personal level. Find out what their interests are and encourage them to pursue those. Offer to help guide them in their passions.
Show interest in them and their biological parents, who have shaped the person they are becoming.
Make a big deal out of their strengths and talents.
Help them research possible careers for when they graduate from high school.
Please encourage them to express their feelings and emotions to you. They will need to learn that expressing their feelings is natural and healthy instead of keeping them inside.
Set boundaries and appropriate consequences for your household as soon as possible.
Assign them responsibilities in your home. As much as they hate it, this will allow them to feel part of the family and give them a sense of importance and self-worth.
- the “why” as the need calls for it. Teenagers have been told “what” to do in several different placements. As teenagers develop their ability to process and understand information also develops and being inquisitive about “why” things are happening is normal.
If you are ready to welcome teenagers into your family, please visit www.clarkcountyfostercare.com and register for an information session.
Updates from the Proud Partners of Clark County Foster Care
Thank you to Commissioner McCurdy II for hosting a festive and fun Spring Egg Hunt and Foster Family Resource Fair for our children and families involved in foster care. We continue to receive support from Commissioner McCurdy II as he will be with us for a special event, “A Night with the Stars of Foster Care.” We hope you will join us on April 30 from 6pm-8pm for a FREE POPCORN SOCIAL at Pearson Recreation Center, 1625 W. Carey Ave. You will be able to hear from amazing foster parents who are truly making a difference in our community.